So, inpatient oncology wasn’t at all what I thought. I know people out in cyberspace hate the word boring..but that’s what I’m using… I guess I imagined something so very different. I imagined it to be a very busy unit with nurses rushing around helping everyone. And, now that I write this… I’m sure that’s what it is probably like during the day. I was there from 3-8 and I watched and interacted with the patients v. little. I would have liked to have been able to pop into the rooms and talk but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t going to be allowed. Mostly everyone had their doors & blinds closed for privacy.
The thing that I did like about tonight was my nurse. She is amazing. She wants to go back to school to get her MSN in education and you can really tell that she likes teaching. She was great at explaining what cancers her patients had and their probable outcomes (2 out of her 3 patients tonight will survive). I asked her point blank how she deals with a child dying and she said that she has worked there 3 years and has never experienced one of her patients dying while she was working. She said she doesn’t know how she will react. She said that CHOP has an excellent program of bringing in a psychologist to talk to the staff about how to deal with dying children so it’s not all bottled up inside.
I think one thing that did surprise me also was that I wasn’t afraid of these kids and that I didn’t label them as “cancer kids” (I’m not sure if I would have done either… I’m sorry if I’m not explaining myself correctly) & maybe that’s why it wasn’t that sad of a place for me to go. These are just kids who are sick… I didn’t approach my nurse’s patients with kid gloves… I walked right up and starting talking or (for the baby I had)… starting playing peek-a-boo with her. Yes, some of these kids will die no matter what CHOP does to treat them (it’s a crappy thing, I understand) … but they are here now… so, let’s enjoy their life.
Again, I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m a hard ass & callous b/c I didn’t cry or get upset. I’m sure if I was treating this one patient that we had tonight and they were to die.. I know I would be upset.
It’s crappy for other reasons… not for school… I think I’m PMSing… because I’m crazy moody. I want to pop in the end of my Christmas romance movie but since I need to get up early tomorrow, I think I’ll just go to bed.
That’s all I wrote. Good night for now.