My time on the Cross Bronx Expressway…

I wish I could find the right words to describe my hell on earth this afternoon. I finally arrived to my humble home tonight at 8.45pm. Almost a full 12 hours from when I left Quebec. I left at 9am there full of excitement to get back to the land that I love.. namely, a place where English is welcomed and Target stores are in an abundance.

I was making great time… My handy little GPS unit said I would be back here in PA by 5.36pm… I was averaging 50 miles every 35 minutes… I stopped at 2.15 to pee and then to eat lunch… it was about 45 minutes later that crap began to hit the fan. The dreaded George Washington Bridge. At 3pm… I stopped. At 4pm.. I had moved about 1.5 miles further than I was at 3pm. And so on..

IN THREE HOURS I MOVED SIX MILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to curse the highway gods.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to swear.
I wanted to jump out of my car.

but most importantly… I wanted to PEE!!!!

The bathroom was calling my name… and alas, there was no bathroom.. nothing even remotely close to a bathroom… I thought about everything that was in my car… a ziplock baggy. a few maxipads. a tupperware container… I really almost tried to go as the car was inching along. I really did… I just couldn’t bring myself to. I held my bladder with my hand on my stomach (which, now that I think about it… probably didn’t do me any good).

Thankfully, the highway gods took pity on me and about 7pm the traffic started to flow a little bit more freely. I stopped at the first rest area in NJ and ran into the nearest bathroom & yes, it was enitrely too filthy for me…but I couldn’t be choosy at this point.

Ok… enough ranting..

The trip to Quebec was great. I had an amazing time visiting with my friends… Their baby is beautiful… We at PFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken)… I tried something called Poutin (didn’t like it). I did like the squeaky cheese though. I tricked a WalMart clerk into thinking that I spoke French.. I went to a store called “Canadian Tire Company” that sells a lot more than tires…I hiked up a mountain in the rain (wearing… a PHILLIES CAP!!!–what is this world coming to???).

Ok.. that’s it for now… I’m tired.. and I think I have to work tomorrow.

Ta-ta for now.


One response to “My time on the Cross Bronx Expressway…

  1. Ah….the memories you just brought back. Having gottten on the GWB with 3/4 of a tank of gas and reached NJ with the low-fuel light on, I tell you, anything under a 4 hour crossing is doing pretty well.(It’s the most traveled bridge in the world) as for needing to pee so bad….might I suggest episode 3 of this seasons “Weed’s” on Showtime.

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