Update..& then I’m going to stop for a bit.

First, I just want to address Sues comment about J’s integrity.  Yes,  he has integrity.  There was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that he did with me that would make me doubt that.  He did not lead me on…  He did not flirt with me….  He was (and hopefully still is) my friend. 

I’m not sure if she ever knew I existed…but it really didn’t matter.  We were friends.  He wasn’t dating me.  He wasn’t kissing me.  He wasn’t sleeping with me.  We went to a coffee shop and talked.  That’s all that happened. 

It was all me that wished there was something more.  Not him. 

I did receive an email from him last night.  All it said was “I will forgive you, but it might take a bit of time.”  I pissed him off.  I hurt his feelings.  These are the consequences.  I’m hoping that this fracture can be repaired.  I’m praying that it can be repaired. 

So.. that’s that.  Now I’m going to take a much needed hiatus from the blogging world. 

I’ll be back in September. 

It’s raining…but it’s beautiful outside.

I just walked into work.  I stopped at Starbucks and bought a Grande Vanilla Not Fat Latte.  The woman gave me a Vente cup.  I paid for a Grande.  Hmmm… 

I love this rain.  I love wearing my red rain coat.  It’s yucky outside…but I have some glimmer of hope… I’m not sure why.

I didn’t see the movie last night.  I stayed home and watched reruns of “Friends” for 3 hours and worked on my math review.  I’m up to percentages.  10 more pages of review and I’m set to start school. 

Ok.  I miss J.  But I can’t make him to talk to me.  I can’t force him to do anything.  I apologized.  I truly am sorry for what happened.  I’m still sad. 

But I’m getting better.

And hey.. the White Sox won one last night. 

Maybe a movie will cheer me up…

I have a free movie ticket.  I think I’m going to go see “Becoming Jane” when I get home tonight. 

Maybe that will get me in a better mood…  but then again, Jane Austen died at 41.  Unmarried.

I”m sorry that I have been such a downer lately.  It’s just been a bad month.  I’m so looking forward to going on my Chicago/Cleveland/Columbus/Cincinnati tour next week.

I’ll let you all know tomorrow about the movie.

Some real life crap…

Ok.  So, Sues (as always) has given me a lot of food for thought.  I agree with baggage… and I have a lot of it.

The guy that I dated (and I use this term loosly) years ago…  He spoke w/ our pastor about marrying me.  Well, he forgot to tell him that  he was also dating two other women at the same time.  I was at a mall w/ a girlfriend buying him a birthday gift.  I saw him with one of these other women…  He didn’t know what to do.  He ended up marrying this woman and they just had a baby. 

Another male friend…  who I have forgiven… but it’s hard to forget what he said to me…  the week before I moved to Philadelphia he said “men just see your crooked teeth and your strange shaped face.” 

The guy I dated last year.  When I told him about my scar from my heart transplant… he said “that’s yucky.  I don’t want to see that.”  (he said this when I told him that I was going to wear a v-neck t-shirt from The Gap). 

So… when it comes to J.  there is a lot of baggage there.  I’ve been sitting here all morning and still I can’t believe I screwed this friendship up.  He needed my support… not my criticism… he just broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years.  He just started a new job.

And to top it all off… the White Sox are on another losing streak.  They are playing as bad as I feel.

ps… vote for Media, PA

I forgot to add this:

Go to this website….  http://ikea.shycast.com/contestant/157/  (I’m sorry, I don’t know how to make the link look pretty) and vote for Media, PA.  IKEA is hosting a contest for some type of makeover. 

Even if you don’t vote… watch the video… It’s a great glimpse into my “borrowed” hometown for the last 7 years.

My penultimate Friday.

I love the word penultimate.  It basically just means “next to last.”  My last Friday is next week.  Five more working days.  I can’t believe it’s finally here.  Finally. 

These last days are more hectic.  I’m trying to clean my office and leave enough “cheat-sheets” for whoever is taking over my students so they know what they are doing.  Yesterday, I was given a surprise goodbye party.  And, yes, I actually was surprised.  They told me that I had to give a presentation at another building on campus… when I got there… there was food.  and gifts.  and people. 

Tonight I’m watching my friends’ kids so they can go out as a couple.  I love playing parent for a couple of hours every other month…  They are good kids.  Smiley Happy People. 

In other news..  things aren’t going so hot in the “male friend” category.  I haven’t actually had a real conversation w/ J. in a few weeks.  I guess I thought we were better friends that we really were.  Even though I could never date J. (Jewish/Christian), I had this crazy notion that we would be friends for a long time.  And I blew it because I don’t know how to act.  He’s popular, cute, etc…  and I’m not exactly skinny or pretty or overly flirtatious.  Man, I sound like I’m in highschool.  It’s so hard leaving old hurts behind. 

Soooooooooooooo… to remedy this… I’m just going to throw myself into my mini-tour of the Midwest in a few weeks (Chicago, Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati) and then school starts when I get back from my trip. 

Ok.  enough.  Again, I apologize to the people who have been reading my same words over and over and over and over again.  Sometimes I think I’m two people… the really, really confident one who can quit her job or travel across the world alone.. and the other one who is a coward and shy and has no self-confidence. 

2007 Lists so far…

So…since I will be starting school in a few weeks.. my leisure reading and movie viewing will be dropping to an almost non-existent level.  These are the books I have read and the movies I have seen in the theatre since the beginning of the year:

Books as of August 15, 2007

1.  Friday Night Lights, HB Bissinger (finished 1/6/07)

2.  Polio:  An American Story,  David M. Oshinsky (finished 2/20/07)

3.  The Goldfish went on Vacation, Patty Dann (finished 2/22/07)

4.  Hot Lights, Cold Steel, Michael Collins, M.D. (finished 3/9/07)

5.  Shopaholic & Baby, Sophia Kinsella (finished 3/21/07)

6.  Love at First Site, Jane Moore (finished 4/4/07)

7.  Better, Atul Gawande (finished 4/30/07)

8.  Foursome, Jane Moore (finished 5/21/07)

9.  Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix, JK Rowling (finished 6/26/07)

10.  The Knife Man, Wendy Moore (finished 7/17/07)

11.  Swapping Lives, Jane Green (finished 7/23/07)

12.  Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows, JK Rowling (finished 8/11/07)

Currently I’m reading “How Doctors Think“  by Jerome Groopman, M.D.

Movies as of 8/15/07

1.  The Queen (2/10/07)

2.  Music & Lyrics (2/16/07)

3.  Amazing Grace (3/4/07)

4.  Spiderman III (5/19/07)

5.  Pirates of the Caribean:  At World’s End (5/27/07)

6.  Shrek III (5/28/07)

7.  Waitress (6/9/07)

8.  Once (6/19/07)

9.  Ratatouille (6/30/07)

10.  Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (7/14/07)

11.  Hairspray (7/22/07)

12.  The Simpsons Movie (7/29/07)

13.  The Bourne Ultimatum  (8/5/07)

Well.. that’s it for a Wednesday.  Probably should go get some work finished. 

Enjoy your day!

=

I’m such a sap…

I just read a recap of the 2005 World Series.

and I’m crying.

those were the glory days.

Closing in on the end… (and a new beginning)

I only have 9 more work days to go after today (ie.. two 5 day weeks).  Can’t believe it’s finally here.

Last week was the first time I *felt* like changing careers was the right thing.  Usually with all major decisions I’ve had to make… I’ve *know that I know that I know that I know* it’s the right thing… even if I can’t articulate it well.  I always say “it’s that spot behind my kidney deep in my soul that knows I’m making the right decision.”

With this decision… I haven’t any of that previous confidence.  A woman from Bible study was praying over me a few weeks ago and had the words “green light” … and we all felt strongly that it was about nursing school.  At that time… I still didn’t feel confident.  There hasn’t been any obstacles in me starting..but at the same time… I haven’t had any confirmation either.

Well, on Thursday…  I got it.  As I was working.. I knew that I just wanted this part of my life to be finished.  I was (and am) ready to move on.  I really want to dive into studying.  I know that sounds crazy…but I really want to know this stuff.  It’s so different than just learning a subject to pass a test.  I really want to & need to know and understand everything that I’m taking. 

I’m sure I will encounter things that will freak me out.  I was talking with friend who has been a nurse for almost 20 years….  She told me of when she was a new nurse and first saw a naked man…  I’ve never seen a naked man.  She said that you always remember the first.  Her first was an elderly man with gold socks.  I think it’s funny that she remembers that he had gold socks on.

Here’s hoping that my first male patient has a lot more on than just gold socks!

In other media news:

1. Finished Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows.  It’s probably my favorite book since the first one came out.  A great ending.

2. Finally finished season one of “Big Love”.  Definitely need to keep poisonious liquids away from Wanda.

That’s all I got.  Enjoy your Monday.

My lunch…

So, the powers that be decided it would be a good thing to open up an Au Bon Pain in the hospital.  I have been a frequent visitor in the two weeks that it has been open.

Today, I was hoping to sit, eat lunch, and to read more of Harry Potter.  I’m almost finished and I really want to get it done so I can move on to more pressing matters… like more fractions and ratios (and Sues… I was practicing my fractions last night during CSI: New York).  Unfortunately, the conversation next to me was more interesting than even Harry’s latest adventures. 

It went sorta like this:  (it was a mother and daughter.. the mother just came in by bus from another city.. maybe NYC… the daughter is in her early 20s).  Let me add…before the WAY interesting part of the conversation.. they were very nice and remarked that they wouldn’t talk about the Harry Potter book because they saw that I hadn’t finished reading it yet…

So.. after their small talk & deciding which sites to see… the daughter goes to the mom “So…did my brother have sex yet?”  She asked this just as if she was asking about the weather.  Light and airy. 

The mom refused to answer (thankfully).

It just went downhill from there.  But, yea… listening to them… so much better than Harry Potter.